Meet Rachael and Dan's Family

Rachael and Dan S. have two biological daughters, 16-year-old Sonia and 14-year-old Emma, and a 9-year-old adopted daughter, Samantha. They became foster parents in 1995 and went through both the state and Casey Family Services foster care training.

After spending a year in a state foster home, Samantha at the age of four went to live with the Rachael and Dan as a Casey foster child after attempts to reunite with her birth family were unsuccessful. Sharon Goedkoop, post-adoption services social worker in the Vermont Casey division, was Samantha's foster care social worker at the time. Sharon supervised Samantha's visits with her birth family as the state was terminating parental rights. Two years later, right around the time Samantha's adoption was finalized, Sharon was moving to the Post-Adoption Services program. "We have been involved with Casey's Post-Adoption Services from the beginning," says Rachael. "We were very fortunate that Sharon was our foster care caseworker and then moved into the Post-Adoption Services program. It has provided good continuity for Samantha and for us."

Recently Samantha has been asking a lot of questions about her adoption. She is now at an age where she is more aware that in order to be adopted someone else gave her up or did not parent her as they should have. "When Samantha was adopted, she was very aware that she was being adopted and changing her name," says Rachael. "It really didn't seem to have any impact on her until this spring when she began to ask 'Why was I adopted?' My husband had been reading Cinderella to her and something in the story triggered her because she wanted to know why her mother gave her away. We told her that her mom wasn't capable of taking care of her and we reaffirmed that we wanted her very much and were very glad she was a part of our family. I also said that we would talk to Sharon about it."

To help Samantha try to understand her adoption, Sharon and Rachael are working with her on creating her "life book." To create her life book, they start with what Samantha knows about who she was born to, where she was born, and a little bit on why she was adopted. The life book work is spread out over four or five sessions, which gives Samantha a chance to look at this part of her life and hopefully answer some of her questions.

Samantha is participating in a social skills group for adopted girls ages 9 through 11. This group will give her an opportunity to meet other adopted girls. Also, through a variety of arts and crafts and other organized activities, the girls will learn to develop their social skills, like respecting other people's personal space and understanding the impact of their behavior on others. "Samantha is very excited about the group," says Rachael. "When we were signing up for soccer she wanted to make sure that she wouldn't miss the adoption group, as she calls it. And I told her the adoption group was the priority and we would miss soccer rather than the group."

A couple of years ago, Sonia and Emma participated in a Casey-run support group for the siblings of adopted and foster children. This type of group gives siblings a chance to talk about what it is like for them and to be around others who are in similar situations. Kids in a sibling support group can ask questions about adoption and foster care and express their feelings about having an adopted or foster sibling who has exceptional needs and requires a lot of their parent's time and energy. "A lot of times siblings feel guilty that they shouldn't feel negatively about a foster or adopted sister or brother who has problems already," says Sharon. "By and large, what comes out of the sibling groups is that the kids are pretty understanding of the whole situation and why their parents brought the child into their family."

"The only thing I can tell you about the siblings group is that we went every single time, Sonia and Emma looked forward to going and really enjoyed it," says Rachael. "I haven't a clue what sort of activities they did there, the girls weren't very forthcoming, but the group was very supportive for them."

In addition to the counseling and support groups, Rachael and Dan have participated in a number of Casey's parent workshops. One that was particularly useful for them was a workshop by Dr. Dan Hughes on attachment disorders. "Over the past few years, we realized that Samantha has some trouble with attachment issues," says Rachael. "Casey has provided us with a lot of materials about attachment. We are not doing any attachment therapy with Samantha yet. However, Sharon gave us the names of therapists who are experienced in working with adopted children with attachment problems and we'll contact them when we think Samantha is ready."

They know what Casey's Post-Adoption Services program offers and ask for help when they need it, but most of the time they are just busy being a family and don't ask for a lot of help. "It is wonderful that Casey is always there and that we have a great ongoing relationship with the agency and with Sharon," says Rachael. "Casey helps us celebrate all of the positives of having Samantha in our family by giving us as much support as we need and by checking in with us to see how things are going. When Sharon hasn't heard from me in a while, she'll call to see how the family is doing-not just how Samantha is doing-but how we are all handling things. The focus on the whole family is really nice."

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