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Foster Parents Count Success a Kid at a Time

By Alonzo Mourning and Victoria Rowell (5/1/01) Reprinted with permission of Universal Press Syndicate.

Dear Abby:

We are an actress and a basketball player writing to you to ask your help in lighting a lamp of inspiration for the 600,000 children currently living in foster care.

May is National Foster Care Awareness Month and we would like former foster children to join us in sharing their personal stories.

We both grew up in the foster care system. Being a foster child can be a painful and isolating experience, leaving many children without direction and purpose in their lives. We acknowledge that many foster children have experienced shame and felt "unattached"-with no real sense of belonging to a family or community. Yet, we know firsthand that as painful as it is for children to live without their parents, foster care can be the best thing for a child in harm's way. It was for us.

We were blessed to receive support and commitment from dedicated foster parents and mentors who believed we could fulfill our greatest dreams. And both of us, as well as thousands of other foster children, have gone on to lead successful and productive lives.

We believe that the skills and life lessons learned by former foster children can serve to light the way for those now in foster care. They can inspire current foster families and social workers by reminding them of the enormous difference their dedication makes, and encourage other caring individuals to become foster parents.

By sharing our personal stories, we can bring a world of promise to children in foster care, and provide them with clear examples of how they can live their lives to the fullest, and in doing so, enrich the lives of others. It is a legacy that all of us who have been in foster care must leave for our children and the future.

Victoria Rowell and Alonzo Mourning, national spokespersons for foster care.

Dear Victoria and Alonzo:

You are living proof that with consistent mentoring, and with caring foster parents with an abundance of patience, foster children can succeed. For them to achieve, strong role models are essential because children absorb what they see around them.

That is why I am joining you in asking other successful former foster children to take pen in hand and share their stories. What was it that worked for you? What fortified you when times were difficult? Your personal experiences can bolster and enlighten current foster parents, inspire new ones and improve the foster care system. I know I can count on you. My readers are the most generous people in the world when it comes to giving of themselves.

Please address your letters to: Casey Family Services, 127 Church Street, New Haven, CT 06510. The toll-free number is (888) 799-KIDS (5437). The email address is: dearabbyresponse@rowellfosterchildren.org. They're waiting to hear from you.

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Dear Abby:

Reprinted with the permission of Stan & Judy Sala 5/3/01. As submitted to dearabbvresponse@rowellfosterchildren.org.

It's been another long night-I was up most of the night with the four-year old boy who still has violent nightmares about the abuse he suffered before he came into our home as one of "our" foster kids. The two-year old sleeps pretty soundly in his crib, after six months already thinks of us as his "Mama" and "Papa." His three-year old sister is still somewhat traumatized over the many changes she's already gone through, but I think she is getting better. And yesterday the Social Worker called me and asked if we could take two more, a five-year old and nine-year old, sisters to the two- and three-year olds.

At almost 60, my husband and I were inclined to tell her "Sorry, no, that's just too much for us." And after 16 years of foster parenting, you'd think we'd know when too much is too much.

But, then I read what Victoria Rowell and Alonzo Mourning had to say in your column about the support and commitment from foster parents, who helped them fulfill their greatest dreams. I know that, for most kids in foster care, their greatest dream is simply to be loved, fed and kept safe. Your column reminded me of why we do this in the first place, and somehow I know now that we can take care of "just two more."

So as soon as the office is open, I'm going to call that Social Worker and tell her "Okay we'll do it." I guess we'll put off retiring a few more years, because there are still kids who need us.

And, Abby, it's been our great pleasure to have had foster kids in our home (there's been more than 20 so far, and we've adopted two of them). This has been the hardest job I've ever done, but also the most rewarding. I just wish there were more foster parents, because there always seem to be more kids who need homes...

Thank you Abby, Victoria and Alonzo, your message means so much to us.

Just sign us, "Tired But Proud Foster Parents in Oceanside, California."

Stan and Judy Sala

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